Sing Along to the Giant Hogweed Invasion

First it was the invasion of purple loosestrife that we panicked about as it filled the ditches and fields, replacing native weeds with themselves, the foreign weed. The invasion continues while the panic has long since subsided. More recently it is zebra mussles and Asian carp that are the invading fauna (rather than flora) that threaten our lakes and streams. Now it is the turn of the giant hogweed.

It's like something out of a horror film: A pretty plant that was once the darling of backyard gardens has escaped to wreak havoc on a community near you. It grows tall enough to dwarf adults and is armed with toxic sap that burns human flesh.

The unwelcome spread of this noxious plant is nothing new. It is an ancient invasion, human mediated, much like rabbits in Australia. In fact it brought to mind a song written 40 years ago that I remember well, and is tucked away in my dusty collection of LPs and cassette tapes. It was written by none other than the band Genesis, and release on their Nursery Cryme album of 1971. This was very much in its early days when Peter Gabriel was the leading personality in the group and Phil Collins had just joined as their new drummer. It was the heady days of art rock, a genre in which Genesis was a rising star.

Peter Gabriel's lyrics to "The Return of the Giant Hogweed" tell an apocalyptic story about a "regal hogweed" being brought from Russia by a Victorian explorer to the Royal Gardens at Kew. Later, after being planted by country gentlemen in their gardens, the hogweeds take on a life of their own and spread their seed throughout England, preparing for an onslaught. The citizens attempt to assault the hogweeds with herbicide, but the plants are immune. After a brief instrumental (subtitled "The Dance of the Giant Hogweed"), the song ends in a crashing climax where the hogweed reigns victorious over the human race.

I know, it sounds so apocalyptic, but the song is actually quite decent and is quite humourous in its way. In my opinion it has aged not at all badly in the intervening decades although I listen to it only rarely nowadays. Here are the closing words of the song lyrics to give you a taste (but beware of pop-ups and other junk you'll pull up if you click on any song lyric site). Even the species of hogweed is the same as in the current crisis.

Mighty Hogweed is avenged.
Human bodies soon will know our anger.
Kill them with your Hogweed hairs
Heracleum Mantegazziani

Giant Hogweed lives!

One thing that puzzles me is that the song is titled The Return rather than The Revenge of the Giant Hogweed. Reminds me of a long-ago minor controversy that saw the original title of the Star Wars film changed to Return of the Jedi from Revenge of the Jedi, supposedly by Steven Spielberg himself.

Lucas changed the title, saying "revenge" could not be used, as it is not a Jedi concept.

However, I doubt very much that anybody got on Genesis back about the title choice, and, unlike the principled Jedi, revenge is very much the theme of the giant hogweeds in the song.

So dust off the old record collection or download the MP3, and then play the song the next time someone starts on about how we are all doomed by this majestic though nasty weedy invader. Just perfect for a lazy summer Sunday.